I may not be as wise as some other women in this world, but I like to believe that for my age, I can at least stand on my grounded values and morals. My parents raised me right!
I look around at today's society and how children act, and I find myself completely amazed by ill behaviors. (Note: I realize that someone may have all the best intentions in the world of raising their children right, and that somehow "it just doesn't work out that way." Granted, I'm prepared for my child to throw tantrums and throw themselves on the floor, that tends to be age-appropriate. I hope..? :) But when I see teens who know better acting this way, I question what they've been taught is accepted behavior by their parents.
For example: I was out last night when I witnessed two teens quite aggravated because a manager of an establishment would not break a particular rule for them. I heard the man say "I'm sorry, but if I do it for you, then I have to do it for everyone else. I'm already trying to bend and give you a discount." The two teens got so worked up they threw open the door to the establishment (almost breaking it) and walked out. Not 20 minutes later, one of the teens tried to come back in unnoticed (breaking said rule) and was caught by employees. The teen became so outraged, basically acting as though he was having a 2-year olds tantrum and cussed out the employees and manager just before walking out again.
This is when I stop and think: I know (or rather hope I guess) that this boy would not be acting like this if his parents were around. Have we gotten so bad as a society, that kids can't be trusted to behave outside the home unless otherwise monitored by what they consider an authority in their lives?
Who is to blame for this, what I consider to be outright disrespectful, behavior? Do you blame the parent for not instilling what most of the world believes to be common courtesy and respect? Or is it the off-kilter child that no one seems to be able to guide in the right direction?
What happened to the Golden Rule? Do parents still teach the same morals and values of yesteryear? Or have they jumped on this bandwagon of "Don't Let the Man Get You Down"? Do parents of today take qualities like responsibility and individualism, and twist them so as to create a child who is proficient in self-serving manipulation?
I'm all for encouraging kids to become whatever they want in this life. Whether it be an astronaut or farmer...just be passionate and love what you do. That being said, I also believe in raising well-rounded kids, no matter how unique they are or want to be. I believe all children have the right to a good education, and if they apply themselves, they will go far. Therefore, I sternly do not believe that just because "Johnny doesn't want to do his homework today," that he doesn't have to. You've all heard the stories from those who came before you--"I had to read 200 pages a night in my reader, and we had to sit in the corner all afternoon if we didn't finish our Arithmetic." And guess what? I had to do it too!
There were many nights when I didn't want to read about dead presidents, and even more nights when I didn't want to do my math homework (I would have rather made up a story about how X met Y and they ran off together to live on Z island). Alas, my Mom and Dad assured me that a bank would rather know I could figure out the Product of my account someday, and would care less about the magical coconuts on the island. Reluctantly, I knew they were right, and the homework got done.
The point of this drawn-out, full-of-tangents thought? I know I can't predict the future, and who knows how my child will act!? But I like to believe that I will have a hand in teaching them the ways of the world--what is expected of them; what they can expect from others; to do what they're told (I learned to comply with anyone who was older than myself); and to treat people with kindness and respect, no matter who is or isn't watching. There's a difference between questioning right from wrong, and total disregard for authority.
Does this notion sound crazy? Am I hoping or expecting too much? What do you hope for your child? How do you parent them when it comes to respect for others? Do you set limits and boundaries? What are the consequences, or do they have none at all? Let me know, as the thought of teaching my child the ways of the world, suddenly became a bit overwhelming for me!
Until next time, radiate kindness!
Karyn Potts
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6 comments:
As a teacher I see kids with this kind of respect for authority every single day. Whether they cuss out a teacher, a principal, or even someone else's mom. I have seen it all. The worst is when the parent comes in for the parent meeting that usually follows those said actions and does the same thing. Honestly, I have been cussed by more parents than students. I think respect for adults and/or authority is definitely a learned behavior-- taught by the parents and the friends one surrounds themselves with. I know my daddy always taught me to stand up for myself when I was being wronged, but he also taught me the difference between wrong and right as well as a respectful way to stand up for what I believe in.
Believe me... there are worse kids out there than the one's you have seen. But as long as you instill your values into your child, no worries. It will all work out.
Oh Karyn how right you are. I've noticed in the area I live in (NYC) that the respect a younger person gives to their elders can be based back to their home life. This isn't 100% true all of the time of course, but the bulk of it. And I feel it has a great deal to do with the respect within the family unit. If the parents ( or adults in general involved in the child's life) do not respect one another, or the parent does not respect the child, then how is the child expected to respect others around him or her? They do not know what respect feels like therefore what inside of them says "hey, maybe this is the way I want to be perceived by the world around me?".
With the media and technology of today, a parent needs to remember that the television is not a good substitute for one on one interaction with a person that can teach them the ways of the world - the good and the bad. With my son I don't tolerate him disrespecting anyone or anything. And it is rough, seeing as he isn't even 3 years old yet. But already he says 'excuse me' and 'bless you'. Please and thank you is where i started and were amongst his first words. But I also teach him to stand up for himself. I don't coddle him when the other kids pick on him - I tell him to stand up for himself ( as much as a 2 1/2 year old can of course). I'm just hoping that as the bridges come up in his life where he needs to make decisions that will ultimately effect the rest of his life, his father and I have given him the tools to make the right decisions.
You asked about limits and boundaries as well. Yes, we use age appropriate limits on him and he does get punished. The past few weeks he has gotten back into the hitting/biting stage with me. And he knows that the moment it happens, he sits in time out for 3 minutes ( we always use 1 minute per year and since he is so close to 3 we are using 3 now). After his time is up we talk about why it is wrong to bite, and how it hurts mommy. He has learned to apologize and hug me - and it works.... until next time. But we are consistent and that is the best thing for a child.... structure ( but not too much structure) and consistency.
I'm sure you are going to make a wonderful mother - because your parents raised you to be the successful, talented and beautiful person you are today.
This new "Millenium" generation is going to have a hard time in life. While trying to give them self-esteem and helping them feel good about themselves, parents gave constant praise and rewards - often undeserved. Everyone gets a medal, everyone wins. Many of them have not been taught how to deal with disappointments (like the boys in your article). So, now when they enter the grown-up world, they do not know how to accept that the world does not revolve around them! Respect definitely begins in the home. Children need boundaries in order to grow. It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on it - don't be afraid!
Sad that we have to deal with people like that. It is more unfortunate that the kids didn't or don't care themselves. I wonder if they would have acted like that had their parents been in the same restaurant?
Being around kids most of my life I have seen some changes in the character of kids. A large number of kids are no longer held accountable for their behavior or their actions. Parents are busy trying to be their friends and forget that they are the parent and need to guide them through life. The parents cover for their kids, or do their homework for them instead of making sure the kids get it done on their own. Not to mention what No Child Left Behind is doing to developing responsibility. With this being said there are still alot of kids who are kind, considerate, and trustworthy. These are the kids whose parents are actively involved in their kids lives and actually spend time talking with their kids on a daily basis. Raising kids takes time and energy from all those involved. There is hope but it requires work from everyone to develop and guide kids in life.
Oh Sweetie!!! I pray you don't have any parenting issues because I know you will be a good mom. However even those, like myself with the best intentions sometimes find out that life doesn't always go as planned. My son, bless his dear heart has embarrassed, humiliated and stunned me beyond belief on more than one occassion. Just remember to be firm, fair and consistant in parenting. Talk about it with hubby now so you are on the same page when the baby comes. I do agree with you that there are some parents out there that could use a lesson in their parenting skills but I know from experience that you can do everything you can to be a good parent but even so you don't really know what your child acts like when you are not around.
My son can be the sweetest little guy there is but when his "Stubborn" gene kicks in it is an all out war. I have left a buggy full of groceries at the local Walmart on more than one occasion during a temper tantrum. At least I have learned not to punish the rest of the world with a screaming two-year old, in restaurants and stores. You are in for the hardest, toughest, years of your life but the rewards are worth every bit of it. Best of luck to you both.
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